*note; before reading on, this process is in patent pending by this author/writer/idiot/blogger/money-wasting-wannabe and is in possible contract talks with a major automotive manufacturer (my nephew and his Lego set).
What’s left for cool with cars?
Well, I’m glad you asked! They have done so much with the automobile in the past few years, with the introduction of luxury SUVs, mini-cars like the Austin Cooper Mini or the Fiat Panda. Small cars are cool and very fast and priced under $50,000 and majorly cool SUVs can be had for under $100,000. This may seem like a lot to the average Sentry/Taurus/Nissan buyers, but for what you get, and that they will last at least 15 to 20 years with minimal repair expectations. With all things considered, buying a $100,000 car or SUV makes a lot more sense than buying one for under $30,000 which will need to be replaced in 7-10 years, with copious amounts of repair and maintenance costs. So, with style and comfort almost expected, stereos that rock, automatic parking, assisted parking, rear-view cameras, ridiculous computer-based systems monitoring and performance enhancing systems, entertainment systems, moon roofs and gull-wing doors. Tires that run-flat or glow in the dark. There’s a whole bunch of stuff you can have in your ride that’s cool,, even Johnny Walker Black label cool.
But, what can they do to make a car really, really cool?
The one remaining thing that they could do to make cars the penultimate in cool would be to make a car’s paint job changeable. Using a metal-based paint, they could attach micro-electrodes into areas the size of, say, 1 square millimeter, and with alternating currency the paint would change colors. Using an RGB color system only 3 major colors would need to be programmed into each square, and with this paint job you could have symbols, words, artistic designs, random colors, slowly and constantly changing designs,
That’s not the end of it, either. They could make portions, if not all of the vehicle’s painted areas into LED television/computer monitors. Using an on-board computer, pictures, drawings, paintings, etch–a-sketches and anything you could make with a commercially available computer graphics or painting software program could be displayed on whatever parts of your vehicle that you want.
Remember those light bars they used to put in the rear windows of cars that they could program words and sometimes even sentences into, and they would scroll along in bright, glaring red? This would be that on steroids and peyote with Salvidore Dali-esque talent.
Aww, come on! Tell me this isn’t the most imaginative thing that you could imagine for automobiles for the cool factor that they haven’t already tried! No way, this would rock the pimp world! Gangsta rappers and men with tiny penises would buy this up and ask for more. Gull-wing doors? Really? Not so cool when you’re in a rush…
So, we have cars driving around playing pornographic movies on their paint jobs now? Yeah, of course, there would always be a portion of society that would use this magnificent, 200 IQ-equivalent-smart kind of invention for their own petty, ugly and just “ewe” reasons. Brings flashing into a whole new medium. Campgrounds would never be the same. The uses and misuses of this magnificent and deity-worthy idea (oh, yes, bow down to me now, my minions, and bestow upon me thy greatest treasures!) is mind-boggle-ingly (hey, it’s my blog, I’ll make up words if i want to, you know, poetic license and all that hyperbole…) limitless.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…