The Ramblings of a Somewhat Unstable Mind

Posts tagged ‘Health’

Life as a Meatloaf Song?

You took the words right out of my mouth (all songs by Meatloaf)

Carving up some rock and roll music?

There’s a lot of that going around  (taking words out of people’s mouths, not meatloaf). Sort of like stress… but with a tinge of Tourette’s Syndrome thrown in.

Patient;

“Dr., I’m all stressed out, I feel like my life’s like a pair of open curtains”

Doctor;

“Pull yourself together, son!”

Patient;

“Dr. I fell like a wigwam, and a teepee””

Doctor;

“You’re too tense”  (2 tents, come on, people!)

A Bat Out of Hell

So, Kim Jong il died, and his semi-retarded, 3rd son becomes the new “Dear Leader”. He should be revered as a God by New Year’s Eve if things are normal on the Korean peninsula this week. One bat enters Hell, one emerges and threatens all Hell on democracy. Our new man in NK has designs on joining forces with Iran; 2 of the world’s 7 largest armies, joining to take over the entire Asian panhandle… and, just in time for that December 2012 end of days theories going around. And now Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Iranian boss man) wants to control the Strait of Hormuz? He wants to rule the world’s oil reserves, and wipe out Israel at the same time; nothing nutty here, just another bat out of Hell!

Not quite as ugly as Meatloaf...

Paradise by the dashboard light

Oh, to be 17 again, with that same ’69 halfback Mustang! Luckily, I was a teenager long before this abstinence and politically correct garbage came along. There’s a lake in Quebec, an hour’s drive from downtown Ottawa, that is crystal clear, has high cliffs to dive or jump off at varying heights up to 65 feet, waterfalls to sit under, and it’s clothing optional. BC’s Vancouver may have Wreck Beach, but Meech Lake is more beautiful, cleaner and safer for the fairer sex to sunbathe. And, it’s only about a 5 minute’s drive to the big lookout, overlooking Lake Champlain (the original Great Lake). Submarine races, anyone? Paradise by the dashboard lights after dark!

You took the words right outta my mouth

You thief, you! Why are so many people writing articles that have already been written? Why copy other writers’ works when, for the same amount of work, you can write a new, compelling article with facts that someone, somewhere might just need?

Give me my words back!

All revved up and no place to go

Well, it’s not my fault if you’ve got no place to go, but while you’re all revved up, why not take the time to read a few of my other posts, maybe make up a new word for my new feature “Fake word of the day” and leave me some comments, so that we can strike up conversations about anything to do with dogs, social issues or just plain old having fun…

Welcome to my nightmare, uh uh uh uh (well, that’s from Alice Cooper, but I’m pretty sure he ate meatloaf!)

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Just what does the 10th Doctor Say…???

9 out of 10 doctors agree that Celebrex lessens the effects of arthritis on the human body.

9 out of 10 doctors agree that Lotomax is the best choice for lessening the effects of runny bowels in every day life.

9 out of 10 dentists agree that Crest is the best toothpaste for daily use.

9 out of 10 dentists agree that Colgate is the best toothpaste for daily use.

9 out of 10 dentists agree that Arm & Hammer is the best toothpaste for daily use.

All of these “studies” are true 19 times out of 20. What happens in that 20th poll is what I would like to see: it makes me wonder if that 20th poll had 10 doctors or dentists proclaiming that their patients should never use the medication, as it causes more problems than what it is supposed to cure or alleviate does.

Okay, I’m starting to see a pattern here – there’s a lot of doctors and dentists out there that are sell outs – they are making a lot of money, free golf clubs, memberships and trips from the pharmaceutical companies, toothpaste and oral hygiene companies and manufacturers. Name an ailment, a requirement or a medication and the consumer lobby will find 9 out of 10 doctors, dentists or pharmacists (professional may be portrayed by an amateur actor. 5% less anal leakage is only an approximation and is not a guarantee).

What exactly is it that that 10th doctor, dentist and pharmacist refuses to sell out over? It can’t be because there is only 3% less anal leakage with the new, improved prescription medications and not a full 5%, nor can it be that the 10th dentist doesn’t think that Crest is a good toothpaste for daily use. So, why the hold-outs becomes my first question, and question it I do. I question why they have to pay actors to represent doctors who only represent 90% of their profession, 19 times out of 20.

How many times have you been in to see your doctor or dentist and there was a pharmaceutical sales representative, with their big old box of drugs, standing with the receptionists making small talk? I’m guessing at least 9 out of 10 times, 19 times out of 20. My doctor has a storage closet where they store the freebies, the new and/or improved drugs that they want doctors to prescribe. So, please don’t complain when you take your prescription for Celebrex to the pharmacy, get home and then bury your head in the oven with the gas on. It says right on the commercial that suicide tendencies and increased thoughts of suicide are common side effects of the drug. What’s Celebrex prescribed for? If you guessed depression, give yourself a gold star! I’m guessing that 10th doctor just didn’t want to be part of that big multinational lawsuit from the families of the victims, i mean, patients that took the drug.

Funny thing, I’ve never heard of someone smoking a joint of pot and committing suicide (well, maybe not funny ha ha), and since pot is the best anti-depressant going around, I may just have a suggestion for people who may want to try Celebrex.

Go smoke a big fattie and chillax, dude!Skip out on the pharmaceuticals and step up to the new wave of people using naturally growing plants, weeds and shrubberies. Oh, and nuts. Gotta have (or,m be) nuts!

Aside

Why People Misunderstand You

What? Wait, no – I didn’t mean it that way!

It seems that no matter what you say, there will always be someone who takes offense. If you say “Merry Christmas” in a school or mall, you may be perceived to be a Holly Christian Terrorist, bent on destroying the fabric of the one-state, to want to destroy what so many have fought to make banal. Case in point: You walk into a store and the greeter says “Happy Holidays!”. You proceed to strangle the octogenarian to death, screaming and foaming at the mouth. That poor greeter, though, was just saying what the store told them to say or face being fired. The miscommunication here is when they are begging you to stop killing them, and you take offense, thinking that they were laughing at you because they think something you said was funny. You know, stop it, you’re killing me!

Is There Anyone Born Without Foot-In-Mouth Disease?

Dogs and other animals are born lacking a certain human defect. They can’t lie. They don’t mind if you bring another dog home with you, and they love it when you have other dog’s smells on you when you get home late at night.

But when what you say is meant as a compliment, and someone takes offense, what can you do? You can crawl under the nearest rock and hide, bury your head in the sand, much like my beloved Golden Retriever used to love to do quite frequently (and literally!). You can try to explain yourself to the person who took offense, but in doing so you may come off as begging, again, much like my beloved Golden Retriever used to do quite frequently. You need to find some common ground, and have people who know you well to tell the offended people “No, they’re not like that at all! They may be a little on the nutty side, but they mean well and would never insult someone they look up to.” – the sort of person I, myself, needed this morning. But you should never need someone to back you up when dealing with people you know, the real problem is when you say something to someone you respect, adore or just look up to who is a “friend” on a social networking site – someone you’ve never spoken to in person, and who has never had the luxury of getting to know you as you really are.

What Did I Say Wrong?

When someone takes what you said the wrong way, you can sound awfully whiny when you ask them what you said wrong. Now, this should never happen with people you know, love and have grown up with, but even the ones you love will take something you’ve said and turn it around on you. Whose fault is it?  It is usually nobody’s fault, unless one of the two involved have a persisting problem with the other, in which case anything said could be turned around and made into something it wasn’t, and was never meant to be.

What Should I Do?

Get your head out of the sand~

Get your head out of the sand, come up for air and fight for your right to be right, You can either claim that you had no intention on hurting the other`s feelings and then turn the tables on them and make it seem like they are at fault, or you can man up and take responsibility, offering apologies and saying how you never meant it to be taken that way.

When you have found out that someone has taken something you’ve said the wrong way, you should never air it out in public, as that gives others a reason to join one bandwagon or the other. Talk, email or chat online, but do it privately, with nobody else involved. Make sure to tell the person what you said, how it was meant  and who it was meant for. Don’t lie, don’t pull any punches. You remember the truths that you have said, you don’t remember the lies.

Just make sure that the person who you may have unknowingly and unwittingly insulted knows that you were really upset by the misunderstanding, and that you would never put them down like that, especially if it was done in public, or God forbid, on a public social networking site.

The Meaning of Life?

No, not really… just the meaning of this post. You have to be careful when typing responses on social networking sites, because once it is there for all to see, all might actually see it. A simple typo or a bad case of auto-correct gone bad and you have a new enema (there’s that danged auto-correct again! It should have been “enemy”…).

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