The Ramblings of a Somewhat Unstable Mind

Posts tagged ‘Television’

Word of the Day: June 26, 2012

Blogfomercial

 

(BlahG-FoH-Mer-Shell)

The only shows on television where the majority of watchers look forward to the end as it becomes too hard to distinguish between the show and the actual advertisements.

 

 

1)  A television advertisement that lasts from 30 to 60 minutes, usually airing between 3am and 7am, in which blogs, blog hosters and anything blog-related is advertised. Usually watched by seniors, shut-ins and those who work shift work, blogfomercials are responsible for about 60% of all blog-site related sales.

 

*NOTE;  IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR A FAKE, BLOGGING-RELATED WORD OR ACRONYM THAT YOU LIKE, DESPISE OR USE, PLEASE LEAVE IT AS A COMMENT, ALONG WITH A SHORT DEFINITION AND THE PHONETICS. YOUR SUGGESTIONS MAY WELL BE AN UPCOMING DAILY FEATURE!

 

 

SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE. WORDS MAY APPEAR CLOSER IN A MIRROR THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE. 9 OUT OF 10 LIBRARIANS  ARE MOUSEY INTROVERTS, 19 TIMES OUT OF 20, YET STILL MANAGE TO APPEAR TO BE SEXY. THIS SITE IS NOT ENDORSED BY THE SPCB (THE SECOND SPC (SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY) IN THE PHONE BOOK – THE SPCA (ANIMALS) HOGGED THE FIRST SPOT ON ME AGAIN! THOSE BRUTES!) THE APATHETIC AND APPALLINGLY APROPOS “SOCIETY OF THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO BLOGGERS” (DONATIONS ACCEPTED AND SUGGESTED).

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Word of the Day: May 16, 2012

Blog Stars

 

 

(Blah-G-StarZ)

 

Give me that, that blog was my idea!

 

 

1)  A reality television show following the exploits of a store that buys and sells personal blogs. A precursor to the popular “Pawn Stars” reality show, Blog Wars was a total flop, as most bloggers don’t have the time to watch hours of television a day.

 

2)  What happens when two different blog-related groups have their annual picnic get-togethers at the same park. Known for the summer that a 54-yr. old lady was impaled by a smartphone while telling others how blogs about nail polish are legitimate blogs.

 

 

 

*NOTE;  IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR A FAKE, BLOGGING-RELATED WORD OR ACRONYM THAT YOU LIKE, DESPISE OR USE, PLEASE LEAVE IT AS A COMMENT, ALONG WITH A SHORT DEFINITION AND THE PHONETICS. YOUR SUGGESTIONS WILL BE AN UPCOMING DAILY FEATURE!

 

CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE. WORDS MAY APPEAR CLOSER IN A MIRROR THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE. 9 OUT OF 10 LIBRARIANS  ARE MOUSEY INTROVERTS, 19 TIMES OUT OF 20, YET STILL MANAGE TO APPEAR TO BE SEXY. THIS SITE IS NOT ENDORSED BY THE SPCB (THE SECOND SPC (SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY) IN THE PHONE BOOK – THE SPCA (ANIMALS) HOGGED THE FIRST SPOT ON ME AGAIN! THOSE BRUTES!) THE APATHETIC AND APPALLINGLY APROPOS “SOCIETY OF THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO BLOGGERS” (DONATIONS ACCEPTED AND SUGGESTED).  9 OUT OF 10 DOCTORS ARE APPARENTLY ON THE TAKE, SO WHEN YOU LOOK FOR MEDICAL ADVICE, MAKE SURE YOU ASK AT LEAST 20 DOCTORS…

Word of the Day: April 14, 2012

Bloghunter

Whoa, Silver! Me smell laptop, must be blogger nearby.

(BlahG-Hun-Terr)

A television program about a washed-out cowboy who hunts down wayfaring bloggers in the wilds of Canada.  He actually cheats by having local guides who know the blogging terrain better than the animals who live there. He has a large female following due to his rugged assholliness *(hey, i can make words up if i want! This is, after all, a blog about fake, blogging-related words and acronyms…) er, i mean, old-man-type good looks. Sort of like an Old Spice commercial spokesman with leather chaffs and a big ol’ hat! riding a big steed! (take from that what you will!) He redefines the RCMP’s motto of “We always get our man.”

 
 

*NOTE;  IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR A FAKE, BLOGGING-RELATED WORD OR ACRONYM THAT YOU LIKE, DESPISE OR USE, PLEASE LEAVE IT AS A COMMENT, ALONG WITH A SHORT DEFINITION AND THE PHONETICS. YOUR SUGGESTIONS WILL BE AN UPCOMING DAILY FEATURE!

 

You could win a Million Dollars!!!

(well, not from me, but you could, if you bought lottery tickets and got extremely lucky. Like finding am 800-carat, rough, flawless diamond in a local stream kind of lucky. Like having an asteroid made of rubies and diamonds crash into the Earth, 5 feet in front of you kind of lucky. Hey, it’s Friday the 13th (well, it is now, when i’m writing this…) so you never know what could happen!

 

CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE. WORDS MAY APPEAR CLOSER IN A MIRROR THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE. 9 OUT OF 10 LIBRARIANS  ARE MOUSEY INTROVERTS, 19 TIMES OUT OF 20, YET STILL MANAGE TO APPEAR TO BE SEXY. THIS SITE IS NOT ENDORSED BY THE SPCB (THE SECOND SPC (SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY) IN THE PHONE BOOK – THE SPCA (ANIMALS) HOGGED THE FIRST SPOT ON ME AGAIN! THOSE BRUTES!) THE APATHETIC AND APPALLINGLY APROPOS “SOCIETY OF THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO BLOGGERS” (DONATIONS ACCEPTED AND SUGGESTED).  9 OUT OF 10 DOCTORS ARE APPARENTLY ON THE TAKE, SO WHEN YOU LOOK FOR MEDICAL ADVICE, MAKE SURE YOU ASK AT LEAST 20 DOCTORS…

Today Only, Below Cost!

Stores advertise their wares for sale to the uneducated and idiotic amongst us who, upon being told that we should be driving a Toyota, go out and sell our Cadillac and buy a Prius. We head right out the door to buy those new Tampax that hold 3 times the normal amount of blue fluid. Now, I’ve dated what I figure to be more than my fair share of the fairer sex, but I’ve never seen anything blue. I’ve seen tempers blew, I’ve seen dynamite-like explosions of fury and jealousy, but never anything blue. But, again, people run out to buy cars because a guy drives on in a commercial, and 3 sexy, curvaceous blondes whistle at him when he drives by, his toupee flowing in the wind and The Foo Fighters blaring on his stereo.

What Tag-Line Pulls You In?

Does someone saying “Buy it today and we’ll pay the taxes” make you want to drop what you are doing, warm up the car and drive for an hour to get to Crazy Lou’s Discount Diamonds and expect to buy a flawless engagement ring? Saving a few dollars, the unsuspecting retailer buys what the store tells them is the best deal. The best deal is usually the very best deal that they can make that will fleece the most money out of said unsuspecting retailers.

All Prices Previously Increased Prior to Sale

One of the most common sales scams is the “BOGOHO” extension of the “BOGO” sale. The BOGOHO sale sees you buying one at full price to buy another one at half off the regular price. This means that it’s a 25% off sale, just an average sale for the average store. But they will advertise BOGOHO sales up the wazoo, and it works because people mistake it for a BOGO sale, where you buy one for the regular price and get one free, otherwise known as a half-off sale.

Now, why do so many people pay full retail prices when they go shopping? If you are in the market for a new, high-definition LED television with smart screen technology, you may just want to wait a week or two – it will show up for sale somewhere in town. If you’re willing to shop over the Internet for larger purchases, the sale prices can be online found instantaneously. Now, you don’t need to watch the ads on TV or click on ads that pepper websites, you can just type in what you are looking for and the country you live in, and you will be peppered with sales, end-of-line sales, going-out-of-business and foreclosure sales.

The Shopper’s Mantra

Every shopper who knows what they’re doing knows that you never pay retail, it’s just plain wrong. If a store can afford to have a 75% off sale on one weekend, then have everything back at full price the following week, then they are making a lot of money off of those retail price sales.  Because if a store can make a profit selling items for 75% off, then they have room to haggle.

That's the one from the TV ad!

Whatever happened to haggling? I can remember even haggling over the price of Levi’s Red Tab jeans at the local K-Mart store. You couldn’t do this with a sales clerk, but grab one of the many managers and you had yourself an instant sale – but no more! We need to get back to real retail, where the shopper’s mantra of “We won’t pay full price!” is heard echoing through the aisles.

The Meaning of All This?

People now have access to many shopping apps on their smart phones. You just scan the product’s bar code into your phone and it will tell you where it is on sale, where and how to get there from where you are. Show this to the sales clerk or the manager and ask for a price match. If they don’t give it to you, leave, and leave behind any other products that you may have had in your basket.

Smart phones have eliminated the need for automotive and hand-held GPS mapping and direction provisions systems, and even the need to do comparison shopping.

Video killed the radio king, and it seems that smart phones are now killing the dishonest store sales schemes.

Get a smart phone. Get the apps for shopping and travel. You will never pay retail again, and the savings will more than pay for the cost of the phone and the carrier contract monthly.

Let Me, Entertain You.

Entertain Me!

There are over 400 channels on my satellite television home entertainment system, and I became bored with Internet poker (even though I won $25,000 in a series of inter-related Freerolls in February of 2009) and video games. I have a 52 inch LCD HD TV from Philips, with a decent 7.1 channel stereo, BluRay player and internet connectivity. The problem is that there is usually still NOTHING ON TV worth watching. Sure, there’s always reruns of Jersey Shore, but once you get tired of seeing Snooky’s overly pixellated snookie, and marathon showings of Storage Wars, Pig Farmers in Love, CSI Boise and Law and Order, CSILMNOP, you kind of get tired and look for something else to entertain yourself. So, what else is there to do on a Friday night?

Stop Monkeying Around, Young Man!

Bored? Try spanking your monkey!

Well, for starters, you could always get falling-down drunk and start drunk-dialing your exes, your boss and your friends, telling them all how much you love them (I love you, man!) before asking them why they ruined your life. Or, you could read my blogs!

Wait! There’s more!

Well, actually, not much. If you’ve read any of my blogs, then you must know by now that my brain works in funny ways. And no, not ha! ha! funny either.

But, if you really want to be entertained, to be wowed, awed and shocked, you could go to the Zoo. Zoos are fun, and you can meet a lot of really cool, funny and entertaining friends there. There’s even people there too! But, for my money, there’s nothing like a romp through the local drive-thru zoo. No,

this isn’t a lot like the Las Vegas version of a drive-thru. this is a zoo that you get to drive through. There are pens the size of small countries that house lions, tigers, rhinos and giraffes. And baboons. baboons of every age, romping around from tree to tree, tearing pieces off of cars and running down the road, holding their prize high in the air. I’ve lost antennae (plural), hub caps, trim, decals and even a front left quarter panel. You can come back the next day to claim your previously pilfered parts, which is a good thing because the guy at the NAPA auto parts store was starting to look funny at me (and looking funny to me, but that’s another blog altogether).

We were eating an orange while driving through the gates separating the giraffes and the baboons. I swear this to be true – a giraffe bent down, reached through my pick-up truck’s driver’s side window, reached right over in front of my body to my scared-out-of-her-panties girlfriend and started eating her orange out of her hand. Okay, I’ll admit we probably would have fit right in with a Jim Morrison reunion party, and that I was giggling like a 4-yr. old hyena, but that giraffe could have stood up and sent the entire truck flying. I scratched this wondrous creature behind his rather enormous ear, and petted his snout (mouth?). She seemed to like having her furry parts scratched (the giraffe), and when I started petting her between her eyes, we could almost feel her shudder. Still, a rather entertaining time, and it would have been so much more entertaining if she wouldn’t have dropped the camera on the floor during our first unannounced visitor (first? yes, read on!). But still, better than drunk-dialing your boss or taking pictures of your privates and posting them (the pictures!) on the Internet.

Fortunately, a park ranger came by and coaxed Gilly the giraffe out of my Toyota, and sent us on our merry, giggling way, stern warning uttered. Camera now in hand, our next stop was the lion’s den. In here, you aren’t allowed to take pictures of the cats when they are within 10 feet of your vehicle. And, if they happen to like you and stay on your hood for a nap, you can’t move your vehicle or hit your horn. Loud music is a ticket right out of the park. You guessed it, a huge male jumps up on the hood of my truck and proceeds to fall soundly asleep atop the heat of the grey hood. While waiting, amorously at times, for this beautiful  beast to head for more meaty endeavors, a few of his little ones found there way into the bed of the truck. 2 hours later, we were on our way again, and shortly afterwards found out first hand that a rhinoceros is a very, very fast animal! And, they get rather mad at grey trucks that look, to them from a distance, like a newcomer trying to infringe upon their territory.

Is There A Meaning to This?

Yes, as a matter of a fact, there is. Hey, slow down, now! Don’t get pushy… I’m typing as fast as I can!

As society gets more starved for entertainment, fast-food drive thru eateries have flourished yet drive-in movie theaters have gone the way of teenagers who wear form-fitting jeans. People flock to Las Vegas to lose money, virtue and virtually everything else they own. Double-down on life, you may just get lucky!If you find yourself a little on the bored side, go to a drive-thru zoo, you won’t ever forget it. Just please take a more strong willed passenger than I had with me that fine, sunny day (it’s okay, we broke up shortly after that visit to the Parc Safari African).

Still Looking to be Entertained?

Try getting a dog! They will entertain you well beyond the life-stage of the average American marriage.When you get a puppy younger than 2 months of age, just the smell of the animal will leave you contented and entertained for hours on end, and then there’s the hilarious things they do with underwear and shoes. But training them, and seeing how smart and entertaining they become with the proper training (NO PARLOR TRICKS, PLEASE!). Just teach them the necessary commands of stop, sit, lie down, come, heel, guard, attack and stand-down) is a level of entertainment not quite level with sex, but with the wrong partner (human) it (having a puppy) can even be better.

But if you happen to live close to a drive-thru zoo, you’re never short of entertainment. And if you live close to a drive-thru wedding chapel, keep your camera ready, you may just end up with a great retirement fund. Blackmail charges aside, it’s still gotta be better than a repeat marathon of Storage Wars on the telly.

Get To The Point, Already!

Now, if you were to go out and get a puppy, you could walk him and laugh ’till your stomach feels like it’s going to implode.You will not only be entertained, you will be loved, adored and protected.

Even though I applaud your willingness to stick around to see if I had a great point or not to this blog post, all I can really say at this point is that I hope, in some way or another, that I have entertained you for a minute or two. Some food for thought? As long as you’re happy, you don’t need any expensive gadgets and you don’t need to pay a cable or satellite company a couple of hundred bucks a month for 400 channels with nothing on, all in splendid high definition.

All you really need to be entertained is a dog (two is better, three is best), a friend or a lover. But ‘ya gotta admit that having a lover is a lot more entertaining than having a dog (at least, I hope so!).

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